302 miles.
The day started with tears of joy. A new star is born. A new life entered this world. This makes my heart jump anytime I remind myself of it. The mental picture of a clock that is winded up and is now running for a period of time comes to my mind. A new clock among others. I don’t know, this seems a bit of a technical metaphor but describes my fascination quite well. The human being – a perpetum mobile that deserves this name, at least for a while. One little poke and it runs and runs and grows and grows and multiplies and multiplies and then one day the spark extinguish …..Man, I really got lost in this metaphor and now there is no way back out of it. What I try to express: How can I possibly grasp birth if I cannot even understand death. Both unable for me to process. The former has been experienced but the memory is not available to me, the later can be contemplated about but in the moment you experience it your existence diminishes. In the moment you grasp it, its over. In the moment of absolute knowledge you die. Thinking you know everything about the world would be somewhat like a minor death then. The more you are convinced you have all the answers the closer you are to death, or better a death-like existence what is somewhat painful to observe in others. The ghosts don’t know that they are dead.
This reminds me of one of my favorite Goethe phrases where “reason” has a conversation with Mephistopheles in heaven and states:
“So lang’ er auf der Erde lebt,
So lange sey dir’s nicht verboten.
Es irrt der Mensch so lang er strebt.”
“As long as on the earth he shall survive,
So long you’ll meet no prohibition.
Man errs as long as he doth strive.”
Mephisto suggests a bet about if he will succeed in misleading Faust, not knowing that he himself is part of the play and the process of life in general. “Reason” points out later, what is not obvious to Mephisto because he lacks objectivity.
“Du darfst auch da nur frey erscheinen;
Ich habe deines gleichen nie gehaßt.
Von allen Geistern die verneinen
Ist mir der Schalk am wenigsten zur Last.”
“In that too you may play your part quite free;
Your kind I never did detest.
Of all the spirits of negation
The wag weighs least of all on me.”
The Mephisto, the dark side, the shadow, the critic is part of human life. Experiecing ambivalence is living. Once there is no doubt left you are dead. It has the power you give it. It is a question of choice. If you choose to give it more power then it actually deserves you feel helpless and desparate, driven by a force that you cannot rise above. If you choose to include it, to give it a seat on the table instead of giving it the key to the room with the table, you can observe and watch and listen.
…..
I felt excited and happy today. I feel in sync with myself. I listened to an incredible eye opening podcast when I was around Quartzside and I am still bathing in its revelations.
I felt I could drive for hours. I felt free. It feels good.
I flew by Phoenix and noticed the skyline. I thought it looked like a pre-version of the skyline in LA. I don’t feel compelled to enter any bigger cities, right now, I live in one, I am here for the total landscape. A structure on a hill caught my eye and what would have been the ruin of a castle in Europe turned out to be the ruin of a immense water tank, at least this is what I think it was.
Generally not enough outlets in the motel rooms. I always have to unplug the TV, not that it bothers me regarding the television, I don’t watch it anyway, but I am amazed by the consistence of shortage of certain equipment that seems to be so essential to me.
Palm Springs to Apache Junction
302 miles.
The day started with tears of joy. A new star is born. A new life entered this world. This makes my heart jump anytime I remind myself of it. The mental picture of a clock that is winded up and is now running for a period of time comes to my mind. A new clock among others. I don’t know, this seems a bit of a technical metaphor but describes my fascination quite well. The human being – a perpetum mobile that deserves this name, at least for a while. One little poke and it runs and runs and grows and grows and multiplies and multiplies and then one day the spark extinguish …..Man, I really got lost in this metaphor and now there is no way back out of it. What I try to express: How can I possibly grasp birth if I cannot even understand death. Both unable for me to process. The former has been experienced but the memory is not available to me, the later can be contemplated about but in the moment you experience it your existence diminishes. In the moment you grasp it, its over. In the moment of absolute knowledge you die. Thinking you know everything about the world would be somewhat like a minor death then. The more you are convinced you have all the answers the closer you are to death, or better a death-like existence what is somewhat painful to observe in others. The ghosts don’t know that they are dead.
This reminds me of one of my favorite Goethe phrases where “reason” has a conversation with Mephistopheles in heaven and states:
“So lang’ er auf der Erde lebt,
So lange sey dir’s nicht verboten.
Es irrt der Mensch so lang er strebt.”
“As long as on the earth he shall survive,
So long you’ll meet no prohibition.
Man errs as long as he doth strive.”
Mephisto suggests a bet about if he will succeed in misleading Faust, not knowing that he himself is part of the play and the process of life in general. “Reason” points out later, what is not obvious to Mephisto because he lacks objectivity.
“Du darfst auch da nur frey erscheinen;
Ich habe deines gleichen nie gehaßt.
Von allen Geistern die verneinen
Ist mir der Schalk am wenigsten zur Last.”
“In that too you may play your part quite free;
Your kind I never did detest.
Of all the spirits of negation
The wag weighs least of all on me.”
The Mephisto, the dark side, the shadow, the critic is part of human life. Experiecing ambivalence is living. Once there is no doubt left you are dead. It has the power you give it. It is a question of choice. If you choose to give it more power then it actually deserves you feel helpless and desparate, driven by a force that you cannot rise above. If you choose to include it, to give it a seat on the table instead of giving it the key to the room with the table, you can observe and watch and listen.
…..
I felt excited and happy today. I feel in sync with myself. I listened to an incredible eye opening podcast when I was around Quartzside and I am still bathing in its revelations.
I felt I could drive for hours. I felt free. It feels good.
I flew by Phoenix and noticed the skyline. I thought it looked like a pre-version of the skyline in LA. I don’t feel compelled to enter any bigger cities, right now, I live in one, I am here for the total landscape. A structure on a hill caught my eye and what would have been the ruin of a castle in Europe turned out to be the ruin of a immense water tank, at least this is what I think it was.
Generally not enough outlets in the motel rooms. I always have to unplug the TV, not that it bothers me regarding the television, I don’t watch it anyway, but I am amazed by the consistence of shortage of certain equipment that seems to be so essential to me.